lent and joy of salvation

I was not raised observing Lent. This tradition of fasting and repentance was not heavily emphasized in my church culture or family. I watched my dad give up coffee and mom give up sweets in the weeks leading up to Easter Sunday, but the tradition was not inculcated in our home by any means. I guess this is the case for many post-Reformation Christians, that is, until a few years ago when liturgical traditions like Lent became quite the trend in evangelical circles. 

Last year, I tried to give up spending for Lent (the shopping/ restaurant/ coffee shop kind). I am quite embarassed to admit it did not last longer than about two weeks.  I understood the meaning of Lent last year, but my heart did not yet align with this purpose. I think know I went into it with the wrong motivations, namely the desire to join the fad and (please don't judge me) save money and lose weight. NOT the most contemplative reasons. 

With Ash Wednesday approaching this week, I have been thinking and praying about how (or if!) I want to observe Lent. My main prayer was for discernment- specifically in regards to my intentions. It is not valuable to observe Lent for its trend factor, nor its dietary outcomes and financial payoffs. 

For a myriad of reasons (chiefly self-righteousness and callousness), I have felt a lack of joy and gratefulness in salvation lately. I don't mean that I am effectively UNjoyful and UNgrateful about the restoration I find in Christ, but rather that I don't think enough about my desperate need for the gospel and for the sacrifice of my Saviour. Rarely have I cried out in prayer, "Come, Lord Jesus."

When you first accept the sacrifice of Christ at age 4, a dramatic notion of salvation is not really at the core of your spirituality. All this to say, there is an undeniable struggle within me to hold onto joy in my salvation. 

I was reading Psalm 51 today, which is one of my favorite passages, and had an AHA moment when I fell upon verse 12: 

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Only through dependency on Christ will my need for Him become clear to me. Lent, in simple terms, is about giving up good things to be drawn nearer to Christ. The grief/ discomfort/ struggle/ temptation/ loneliness fostered by this exercise of self-denial is an invitation to lean on Christ. By leaning into Him, the joy of His salvation is restored. By leaning into Him, I will be sustained as David sings in Psalm 51. 

I think it is dangerous to view Lent as a way to "prove oneself" or "overcome a challenge." The heart of the gospel is that you CAN'T overcome sin on your own, and must depend entirely on Jesus for strength and vitality. Lent is not about how self-controlled I am, but really about how powerless I am. There is something so powerful about there being a set period in the Christian liturgical calendar for believers to collectively acknowledge their desperate need for salvation. This is a time that we as believers profess we are lost without redemption and without God our Sustainer. 

Let us view Lent as an incitement to confront weakness and sin in a tangible way, in order to acknowledge our deep (daily) reliance on Christ who saves, and the joy we find in knowing Him as Saviour. 

I have no exact conclusions on what Lent 2018 will look like for me. I still don't know what I will be fasting from. But I'm hopeful this will be a time of intimacy with God. My prayer is that it would foster a heightened understanding of the urgency of the gospel, for myself and those around me. 

Oh gracious Father, grant me a willing spirit. 

eyes to the salvation already given us in the completed work of Chr