struggling to write

When I eagerly (and nervously) started this blog in August, I had many ideas about the direction I wanted the blog to go. Faith, life updates, community development, social justice, relationships, recipes were some of the themes I was dying to write about and share with whoever wanted to read. 

The experience of writer's block did not cross my mind. I always had something I felt the need to write about. If I didn't post multiple times a week, it was because school or other commitments prevented me from doing so. However, even in the duldrum of midterms and sleepless nights, I couldn't keep my mind off writing. 

Turns out that is the honeymoon phase of the creative process. 

Hear me out: I love blogging. But, lately, I guess I have felt a lack of inspiration. For starters, this academic semester has been very writing-based. After writing a multitude of 5,000 word essays for my classes, the thought of staring at my computer and coming up with a succession of words that will form meaningful content seems impossible. Secondly, I am feeling quite emotionally drained lately. I have been working through some difficult spiritual, relational, vocational/ calling questions and I find it difficult to write when I am not in a the right state of mind. I guess I could write about these questions- but I feel like my thought process is so scattered that such posts would be extremely tough to follow. 

I have somehow been able to keep posting despite this behind-the-scenes lull in the past few weeks- mostly by building off prompts I had jotted down in the past (specifically from the time I was writing a couple pieces a day!)

I think a big challenge for me is to trust my voice as a writer and storyteller. In a rather self-centered posture, I worry a lot about whether my writing is up to par, relevant or valuable in any way. 

I was reminded this week that sometimes, when you create, you need to stop overthinking and just do. This turned out to be quite a spiritual revelation to me, wherein as a being made in the Creator's image- I am a creator myself. And I shouldn't be creating for the mere sake of the result...but also for the process of learning more about God through creating, and living out my identity! 

So, all this to say, my hope is that I will find some inspiration to write and write in the weeks to come. And if I don't- I will write anyway, knowing that the process of creating can be a thoughtful, enjoyable one even when you have no idea where it will take you.