my mom

I guess you could call this a belated mother's day post, or simply an update (I have received so many messages asking about my mom and her health!). But I'm seeing more and more the importance of women affirming each other, and this post is ultimately just that. 

In fact, I read Rachel Held Evans' book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, this Spring. One of the most powerful parts to me was her analysis of Proverbs 31. I knew before reading the book that this biblical passage is not prescriptive- this is not a to-do list that all women must aspire to fulfill. Rather, it is an ode to women and an appreciation for their praiseworthy acts of devotion. What I did not know was that, in Jewish culture, husband call their wives eshet chayil (woman of valor) after they've accomplished something (anything from a household task or financial achievement, to a pregnancy!). 

Eshet chayil thus acts as a 'thank you' to women, for blessing their family and community with their time, energy, creativity and strength. Your wife makes a recipe from scratch? Eshet chayil! Your sister graduates from high school? Eshet chayil! Your grandmother finishes a sewing project? Eshet chayil! Your girlfriend gets promoted? Eshet chayil! A female is elected in your local political riding? Eshet chayil! 

It is actually Jewish men who memorize the passage, not women: "Husbands commit each line of the poem to memory, so they can recite it to their wives at the Sabbath meal, usually in song." Isn't that amazing?! I've found myself increasingly trying to call women eshet chayil, women of valor, as a blessing and encouragement. 

I am certainly biased, but I must say one of the mightiest women of valor I know is my sweet mother. So today, allow me to chat a bit about my mother, who has shown me in so many ways the eshet chayil she is. 

Mom has always been a go-getter, an achiever, a doer. She's a girl boss- a passionate, organized and FIERCE leader who speaks her mind (sometimes, just sometimes, to the embarrassment of her daughters) and who knows how to get things done with efficiency. She knows her gifts and her strengths, and uses them to further the Kingdom of God, the welfare of her home and family, the vitality of her community, and the impact of her career. I did not grow up with a stay-at-home mother, yet not once felt neglected or like I missed out on her presence or investment. Despite a full-time job, my mother somehow managed to cultivate a culture of peace, intentionality and values in our home. 

She modeled in so many ways the type of woman I aspire to be- a woman of deep faith who went to God for sustenance and strength, a woman who supported and prayed for her husband relentlessly, a woman who modeled Christ in her parenting as she spoke truth with so much love and grace, a woman who served beyond the four walls of her home and actively participated in the global mission of the Church as a woman of conviction and an equal partner to her husband. She is a dedicated friend, gregarious family member, an engaging teacher, convicting speaker and willful, loving host. 

I have so often asked myself how she managed to juggle all her responsibilities. Who in the world is able to make phone calls to a struggling friend, while preparing jam to give to guests, between children's extracurricular activities after a day of work- and all this with efficiency and a spirit of grace and calm (usually)? My mama. Eshet chayil. 

Unfortunately, my mom sometimes feels like she needs to carry the burden of responsibility for just about everything. I know this is a pattern many of us can identify with. While this is often well-intentioned, this tendency ultimately forces you to cut corners in some areas of your life. There are only 24 hours in a day. You can't do it all. You will have to say no somewhere. 

In mom's case, this area happened to be her. A resounding "yes" was perpetually answered to her family's wants and needs, to hosting more groups of guests, to joining another committee, to planning just one more event. And an increasingly loud "no" was answered to caring for herself, her needs. 

And this led my sweet mother to have a very, very hard year. 

She became ill, to the point of being unable to sit up and hold a coffee cup as she read her Bible in the morning; something I'd grown up watching her do. It's as if we slowly watched her disappear before our eyes. 

Yet she navigated through one of the hardest seasons of her life with dignity, grace, vulnerability, faith and strength. She was forced to slow down and stop "doing" altogether. She was unable to work, unable to cook, unable to host, unable to be involved in her church and million other areas of service. And the beautiful thing about the gospel is that this did not strip away her identity as God's daughter. 

I asked her once how she found hope in all of this. I will forever remember her words, spoken through soft tears:

"God has met me in my suffering like never before. And if suffering and pain is what will keep me close to Him, then in pain I will be." 

But thankfully, my mom is doing better. The pain has improved drastically, and her smile is gleaming again. Praise be to God! 

I'm grateful Proverbs 31 has so much flexibility. This is not a one-size-fits-all kind of passage. Watching my mother make important adjustments to her schedule and priorities in these past months has shown me just that. Rachel Held Evans writes: "The Proverbs 31 woman is a star not because of what she does but how she does it- with valor."

I love my mother. I am incredibly proud to have a mother who faced trial with such resilience and faithful prayer. When the future was unknown, she showed that she is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future (Proverbs 31: 25). 

She is coming out of this adversity stronger, increasingly aware, and more contemplative. I just know she will continue to do God's work with valor, albeit with a greater understanding of her desperate need for Him and His peace. 

In fact, she's already gotten started. 

Eshet chayil!