surviving midterms
I'm a hot mess when midterms come around. I'm exhausted, stressed and I just want to graduate already.
Too bad I'm not even halfway done my undergrad.
Sigh.
I have been studying a lot this semester, but I also have been working on finding a better life balance(more on that here). This involves not growing unaccustomed to the presence of sunlight, especially in exam season. I so wish I could assure you that last sentence was a joke.
Here are three things God has been nudging me about as I memorize economic models, do readings on communication theories and write about religion in public life.
I still have a lot of learning to do in this area. But I am praying fervently that as I repeat these truths to myself, they will slowly make their way from my head to my heart.
"I won't get involved in this ministry, because I need to focus on school this semester."
"I can't observe the Sabbath, because I need to study on Sundays."
"I can't go to youth group, I have a paper to write."
"I'll skip church to get a few extra readings done."
Yup. I'm guilty of saying these. All the time.
Scripture doesn't say, "Seek first the 4.0 GPA" or "Seek first graduating with distinctions and honours." Yet my schedule sometimes reflects that thinking.
In fact, Scripture says in Matthew 6:33:
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
This semester, I have been learning (ever so slowly) that I need to be dethroned for God to be enthroned. There are not endless hours to a day. Ultimately, I am going to have to sacrifice some school-focused activities and commitments for kingdom-focused activities and commitments.
This is not to say that we should forsake education and not take it seriously. What kind of image bearers of God would Christians be if we were collectively lazy, anti-intellectual and unconscientious? We are called to do all things for His glory. I want God's name to be exalted in my studies, and I want to please Him in the way I apply myself. It would not glorify the King of Kings if I failed all my classes and offered that to Him. But I also must recognize that if the work I am investing in school is simply feeding my pride, it is not worshipping God. It worships me, allowing me to construct an image of myself that I want to control.
In his letter to the Church of Ephesus, the apostle Paul writes:
We need not worry about grades, as we can trust that God will guide us. We can trust that He will give us the grades we need to do what He has prepared in advance for us to do.
"[...] and all these things will be given to you as well," we read in Matthew. God provides, He is faithful, He blesses. When we prioritize Kingdom things, He honours that. He gives us peace, wisdom and discernment to face school and studying. He will take care of "all these things" we so easily worry about in regards to school.
Too bad I'm not even halfway done my undergrad.
Sigh.
I have been studying a lot this semester, but I also have been working on finding a better life balance(more on that here). This involves not growing unaccustomed to the presence of sunlight, especially in exam season. I so wish I could assure you that last sentence was a joke.
Here are three things God has been nudging me about as I memorize economic models, do readings on communication theories and write about religion in public life.
I still have a lot of learning to do in this area. But I am praying fervently that as I repeat these truths to myself, they will slowly make their way from my head to my heart.
1. Grades and school do not define my identity
It's so easy to get caught up in the competitive nature of University/ College culture. This culture of achievement communicates that succeeding an exam equals embodying success. When we flunk, we embody failure. We become our GPA scores and our academic realizations. I have wired myself to think I need to keep studying and studying until I can't physically bear it anymore. Why? Because a perfect scores gives me affirmation. It defines me as hardworking and successful.
This morning, I was reading 1 John 2. As I prayed about it, I was realizing that I love getting good grades. They are a comfort to me. Comforts of this world, in John's words. He writes not to delight in such comforts, because the world is passing away.
Gulp. My grades are not constant or everlasting, they are not a rock that I can't count on.
I am tying myself and my very identity to a sinking ship.
In the midst of this, God whispers, "Be still, Jess." "Cease, daughter." Because in reality, affirmation through Him is vastly greater than in a letter grade. The identity He grants me is far more significant than that of being a good student.
Let us rest in the truth of John 1:12:
"Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God."
This is our everlasting identity. And, contrarily to school, we don't have to work ourselves to death to be defined by the sovereign God as His children. Hallelujah!
2. I must actively learn to trust God when stressed
School-related stress has been an ongoing struggle for me, ever since I was a young girl.
Psalm 31 is good medicine for that.
The living God is a rock of refuge for those who struggle with stress. When I am running after the perfect GPA, He is pursuing me. All I have to do is stop running, be still, and trust in Him fully, without projections or hesitations.
This involves committing every exam and paper and study time to Him, not to my own capabilities. It involves clinging to Him, not to my grades, "worthless idols." It involves knowing in my heart that He has a sovereign plan for my life. Studying until three a.m. won't change that. It involves believing that He will fulfill His promises:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).
and
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
(Matthew 11:28)
We can find strength in our studies as we learn to trust in God, knowing that Jesus goes before us. The beautiful thing is that our trust in Him will ultimately overflow into worship! In Psalm 31, it's as if David is repeating and repeating that He will trust in God, until it becomes praise in verse 19:
How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up
for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
that you have stored up
for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
3. God honours those who prioritize Kingdom things
"I won't get involved in this ministry, because I need to focus on school this semester."
"I can't observe the Sabbath, because I need to study on Sundays."
"I can't go to youth group, I have a paper to write."
"I'll skip church to get a few extra readings done."
Yup. I'm guilty of saying these. All the time.
Scripture doesn't say, "Seek first the 4.0 GPA" or "Seek first graduating with distinctions and honours." Yet my schedule sometimes reflects that thinking.
In fact, Scripture says in Matthew 6:33:
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
This semester, I have been learning (ever so slowly) that I need to be dethroned for God to be enthroned. There are not endless hours to a day. Ultimately, I am going to have to sacrifice some school-focused activities and commitments for kingdom-focused activities and commitments.
This is not to say that we should forsake education and not take it seriously. What kind of image bearers of God would Christians be if we were collectively lazy, anti-intellectual and unconscientious? We are called to do all things for His glory. I want God's name to be exalted in my studies, and I want to please Him in the way I apply myself. It would not glorify the King of Kings if I failed all my classes and offered that to Him. But I also must recognize that if the work I am investing in school is simply feeding my pride, it is not worshipping God. It worships me, allowing me to construct an image of myself that I want to control.
In his letter to the Church of Ephesus, the apostle Paul writes:
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
We need not worry about grades, as we can trust that God will guide us. We can trust that He will give us the grades we need to do what He has prepared in advance for us to do.
"[...] and all these things will be given to you as well," we read in Matthew. God provides, He is faithful, He blesses. When we prioritize Kingdom things, He honours that. He gives us peace, wisdom and discernment to face school and studying. He will take care of "all these things" we so easily worry about in regards to school.
Beloved, may we be students who dethrone ourselves, and focus on the
good works of the Kingdom first and foremost.
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